Well., it seems I’m on a roll here! I am actually posting AGAIN! What’s up with that..? LOL
We officially have snow…well okay not snow, ice. On everything…The school bus is running on a two hour delay – one hour for me, since the boy goes to afternoon class – and I get to be late for work. Aren’t I lucky..? I hate, hate, hate being late! It’s one of my things. But, what can I do, I’m at the mercy of the school system. Again. I already had to make my schedule even screwier than it already was to accommodate the whole school thing…Oh well, such is life :)
On another note, I’m not sure what to do about my boy & sleep. Yes, yes, I know all children fight bedtime. But this goes a bit beyond fighting bed. You can put him in bed. He still stays awake. Until ungodly hours. He usually falls out about midnightish, and he’s back up at six. Every day. I wish I could function on six hours of sleep, regularly. I’d get a helluva lot more done! But I can’t. As a matter-of-fact, me & only six hours of sleep is a dangerous combination for those around me….one which unfortunately will be experienced by many tomorrow…
You see, today is my “niece’s” birthday party. So after school, my boy is going over there for the party & staying until I get off of work. After work I get to drive down there (it’s only about 20 miles outta the way…) and pick him up, which is going to put me late getting home & to bed, obviously. ‘Cuz I’ll hafta fight him for an hour, before I can even consider going to sleep myself.
“What..?” you say, “that’s not so bad!”
”Yeah” I say, “not in and of itself…”
But you didn’t let me finish! Tomorrow is the day Jingles & Bel get to go “see the vet” if you know what I mean. (Yes, I believe firmly in neutering and spaying. I have nothing against cute little kittens – I LOVE cute little kittens –but there are way too many that no one loves that end up as not so cute, dead little kittens.) We have a clinic here in Indy called FACE. This is a low-cost spay & neuter clinic – as well as doing general veterinarian type stuff. It is also located very close to where I work – woohoo, I caught a break! Oh yeah, did I mention that I have to have them there at 6:30 am..? And that I live waaaaayyyy far from where I work…?
”So they hafta be there early” you say, “what’s the big deal..? And you’re wandering again…”
Well, you didn’t let me finish…When you add in the information above – that I have to go to my sister’s to pick up my boy. That isn’t simply a run-in-and-grab-the-boy-and-go trip. It will entail visiting. Did I mention she has a good friend of ours staying with her..? Tattoo Billy is renting her garage apartment currently. Yeah you read that right…TATTOO Billy. Who does tattoos. To which I am addicted…did you know that about me..? Have I ever mentioned the 40+tattoos I sport in this venue..? I can’t remember if I have or not, but there it is. I am not only a witch, I am a heavily tattooed witch *grin*
This is my right arm
My left arm…
My lower right leg…
The rest of my right leg, and a peek at my left, along with my pregnant belly….
The back of my neck (obviously…)
The rest of my back (twenty-five pounds heavier…)
So there you have a partial view of my tattoos….my, I DO wander, don’t I..? What in the world was I talking about, hmmmm, lemme go back up and see…..oh yeah! Picking the boy up from my sister’s house where her roommate is Tattoo Billy…well, I guess that wasn’t TOO big of a stretch…Anywho, the point I was getting to was I have a fairly recent tattoo, done in all red, that has hollidays (bare spots) that need filled in. And Billy will be there, so I may be tempted….the problem is, I have to get up at oh, I dunno, 4:30, to have the boy out to Uncle Mike’s and make it to FACE by 6:30…so I won’t get much sleep today, erm, tonight. And tomorrow is going to suck for whoever has to deal with me.
Oh yeah, did I mention at any point that we’ve been having behavior issues on the bus..? I don’t think I did. We’ve been having behavior issues at home, too, both of which started about the time of this last move. He received a “red light” for not listening about a month ago. They have a system that uses yellow & red lights – the yellow is a warning, and when the warning isn’t heeded enough times, then a red light is sent home to be signed by the parents and returned. Then about a week ago, I got a letter from the aide on the bus, and the boy had to write “I will do what I am told when on the bus” three times and return it. She also made it a point to call me and tell me that he’s a sweet, loving boy who is essentially very good, he just won’t listen – yeah, I’m aware, and we’re working on it.
I truly believe it is stemming from the move & upheaval recently, but still haven’t figgered out how to counter-act it…
The reason I find this blog-worthy is the incident that happened last night, and the following disagreement/discussion between Hunny & I. You see, my boy hit another kid on the bus last night. Actually, he elbowed him. In the face. Hunny was very upset about this. I am not.
”What?!?!?” you say, “how can you NOT be upset about your child elbowing another child in the face?” you ask…
Well, you need some background to get to that answer. (Yes, I’ll probably wander a bit, but I’m sure it’ll all tie in – it usually does…) Going waaaaaayyy back to before our boy was born (Please step into the Wayback Machine…)
I was working at an Osco’s downtown. Across the square was an O’Mallia’s (kind of a high-end grocery market). One day on my lunch, Hunny had come to visit. We were sitting outside, when a dirty, disheveled, scrawny (read: crackhead) man came running out of the store, followed by a young girl who indicated he had stolen some stuff and run. Hunny being the man he is went after him. He caught him – for a minute, until the guy sliced his arm open. But Hunny wrapped it up in a towel and continued after him…it eventually took six cops tackling him to bring him down.It also took 17 staples to close up Hunny’s arm.
“Wandering” you say “How is this even remotely relevant..?”
”I’m getting there” I say ”have patience”
I relate this story to emphasize Hunny’s character, and to demonstrate how he responds to certain situations. If it isn’t “right” he will attempt to do something about it, rather just stand on the sidelines and watch. I am the same way. Neither of us is going to allow ourselves – or anyone within our scope – to be bullied or abused. We are teaching our children those values, which I firmly believe to be the right ones. I also think that so far, we’re doing ok.
Another anecdote: When my older boy was in high school, a kid that was a very good friend of his – one of the few he actually brought to the house – slapped a girl, within his sight. My son stopped him the best way he knew. The school then proceeded to try to punish him for his actions. Needless to say, I didn’t support such punishment. I’ll not support punishing my child for doing the “right” thing. He saw a “man” abusing a “woman” and stopped it, because that isn’t acceptable in our world.
These are two of the people my boy idolizes above all others. He follows their example. I have no problem with that, as those are examples of how a person should be.
One more side-note, then I’ll get to the meat of the matter, I promise. Hunny is very big on not tattling, but rather trying to handle the situation yourself. During the party, I know I heard him say at least ten different times “Stop tattling” when the boy – or one of the other kids - would come to say someone had done something (as kids are wont to do).
Now, back to the bus…
While coming home last night, I called Hunny, as I always do. The relevant part of the conversation went something like this…
Hunny: “Your boy got in trouble on the bus again tonight.”
Me: *sigh* “What’d he do now..?”
Hunny: “He hit a kid on the bus.”
Me: “He what?!?! Why would he do that?”
Hunny: “Apparently the kid took his candy cane…”
Me: “So he hit him with reason..?”
Hunny: “They aren’t supposed to have any candy out on the bus.”
Me: “OK, but that’s beside the point. Did he hit the kid with reason?”
Hunny: “If he hadn’t had the candy cane out, the kid couldn’t have taken it and broke it.”
Me: “So he not only took it, he broke it too?”
Hunny:”Yeah. But if he hadn’t had…”
Me: “Is he in trouble for having candy out on the bus?”
Hunny: “No. He elbowed a kid.”
Me: “If he’s not in trouble for having the candy out, then it’s irrelevant. He’s in trouble for hitting a kid that took his candy cane and broke it..? And you agree with that?” (said with great incredulity.
Hunny: “He hit a kid!”
Me: “Apparently a kid that was bullying him…”
Hunny:”They aren’t supposed to have candy of any kind on the bus.”
Me: “???" We’re back to the candy. He’s not in trouble for the candy, he’s in trouble for defending himself…”
Hunny: “But if he hadn’t had the candy out the kid couldn’t have taken it.”
Me: “Agreed. But that’s not what he’s in trouble for, right..? So it’s a moot point. If he were in trouble for having candy on the bus, which is against the rules, I’d be all good with that. But he’s in trouble for doing what we’ve taught him to do..?”
Me: “Does that about sum it up..?”
Hunny: “But they aren’t allowed..”
Me: “Yes. yes, I fully understand! No candy on the bus. He’s not in trouble for having candy. Leave the damn candy out of it. Until he’s being punished for having candy on the bus it doesn’t f*&king matter if he is or isn’t supposed to have candy on the bus.”
***side note – none of this is screaming or hollering, we are lucky to be able to discuss differences in a normal tone of voice, even if we do occasionally use inappropriate language….
Hunny: “It does matter. If he didn’t have it…”
Me : “Ok. He had candy. He’s not supposed to have candy. Got it. But even so, that doesn’t make it okay for another kid to take it & break it. Even if he was trying to “enforce the rules” the proper way to do that would be to alert an adult that a rule is being broken, not by taking it into his own hands. Was it a bigger kid?”
Hunny: “I dunno, I didn’t ask.”
Me: “It sounds to me like a kid was trying to bully him & Shayne took it upon himself to not allow that to happen. On the night bus there are bigger kids…”
Hunny: “If that were the case, he should have told someone, not hit the kid.”
Me: “Really..? *note the sarcasm in this statement* How many times did you tell him – just on Saturday – not to tattle..?”
Hunny: *silence, again*
Me: “I’m fairly certain I heard it come out of your mouth at least 10 times just on Saturday…”
Hunny: *more silence*
Hunny: “So you mean to tell me that if someone snatched your purse, you’re not going to tell the police, you’re going to chase ‘em down and stomp their ass..?
Me: “ What did you do when you saw a shoplifter running out of a store..?” (see there is a method to my madness…lol)
Hunny: *silence* (are you beginning to see a pattern here..?)
Me: “What would Tony have done? What would Mike have done? What would CW have done? What would you have done? For that matter what would I have done..? You can’t be mad at him for doing what we’ve taught him to do and being what we’ve taught him to be.”
Hunny: *muttering* “So we’re raising a little thug.”
Me: “NO! If he had hit the kid to take away the kid’s candy..? Then you could say we’re raising a thug. Then we WOULD have issues, ‘cuz I’ll be damned if I’m raising a bully! But he didn’t, he defended himself. I’d just about bet a paycheck the kid is bigger, and Shayne isn’t the first littler kid he’s done something like this to. And I’ll bet he thinks twice before taking something from some other little kid.”
Hunny: “Maybe. But what would you have done if he had broken his nose or something..?”
Me: “The exact same thing I’m doing now! If he deserved it, he deserved it! If it was a bigger kid, I hope he did hurt him, and not only that I hope he embarrassed him! Maybe he’ll think twice next time!”
Hunny: “He still shouldn’t have hit him with an elbow…”
Me: “What should he have done? Sissy slapped him like a little girl? Have you taught your son to fight like a girl? Is that what you want?”
Hunny: “No. I taught him to fight like a boy. Karate has taught him to fight like a boy.”
Me: “Then why would you think he would do anything else..?”
Hunny: “He still shouldn’t have had the candy out, then none of this would have happened…”
Me: “Grrrrrrr….You’re right, he shouldn’t have. But he did. And a kid took it and broke it. And he hit him. And as far as I am concerned he was justified. And I have absolutely no problem going to the school, the transportation department head, the bus driver or the kids parents, and making it clear that I will not punish my child for doing what he did. You want to punish him for having the candy out? Fine, I’m all good with that. But for defending himself against what is probably a bully..? No way. Not happening!”
Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think so. I talked to my boy when I got home and asked him if it was a kid in his class. No. Was it a kid in Alec’s class (the other kindergarten class). No. So it was a bigger kid. I told him it really isn’t ok to hit someone in most situations, like if you’re just mad, or don’t like them, but it is ok to defend yourself. We also talked about the candy. He said he was really hungry. I can see that, he hadn’t eaten since 11ish, and doesn’t get off the bus til almost 4. I’m not sure where this will go, but I stand by what I said, and I will defend him – and his actions - if necessary.
Okeedokeee…now that I’ve rambled away atcha, I need to go get ready for work. I always appreciate input…..
See ya laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!